Jack White‘s still beating the Guinness Book of World Records horse, ever since the non-”scientific” people that dutifully record such records decided White’s ‘shortest concert ever‘ staging back in 2007 trivialized their reputation, White in turn retaliating with an attempt at slinging the “most metaphors in a single concert,” upon Guinness’ encouragement to achieve a new, different record, detailing his plan late last week in snarky glory over on the Third Man Records site.

Though over the weekend White one-upped his sarcasm, claiming his initial attempt proved “uncountable,” on account of a particular metaphor flying over Guinness officials’ heads – White is claiming three Guinness people flew into his Alabama Hangout Music Fest gig on Friday – just too damn fast to even count. To wit: “Then tragedy struck and the record attempt had to be forfeited by Jack White when during the second half of the set Mr. White trivialized a metaphor by saying it too quickly. It was something about the moon being a faucet of light but was uttered too fast to be counted.”

To be confusingly continued when Mr. White brings Guinness representatives back to “begin the exhaustive, scientific, and absolutely authoritative and factual process all over again“…