Introducing ‘Rhyme nor Reason’ – a SONGLYRICS’ look at lyricists that make us want to jam a pencil in our brain. Or as a man named Shakespeare once wrote: ‘Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season/When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme nor reason?’
Lil Uzi Vert is your typical rap clone, a reproduction of all of pop rap’s most boring archetypes. His style is butt, the type of rapper who’ll follow the masses over a cliff if he had to. Elementary verses and bad clothes are standards that Lil Uzi Vert abides by, and his work only continues to get worse from one project to the next like all five of the Transformers movies.
One of his earliest projects the Purple Thoughtz EP. Vol 1. is a crime against music. It may as well be tracing paper; he copies styles line for line. All the beats are microwaved and his verses are blue bin; made up of recycled goods. Cliches abound, and instead of flipping them he hugs on tight like a smelly koala. If there was an award show celebrating the most over-hyped rappers he’d be its Daniel Day-Lewis.
“We Workin‘” is Kwame Brown in music form. A sluggish, tiny-hands effort that has about as much fight in it as a 90-year-old man. Wheelchair music that soundtracks a slow death: [LISTEN]
Lil Uzi Vert is the type of guy that has the word “bro” programmed into his verbal Rolodex. Nonsense and artless crooning are ingrained in his DNA, his best work as filling and delectable as a bread sandwich. He makes Yung Lean sound like Rakim, and has no qualms about being the second best lyricist on any song that has a feature. If he were to study every great lyricist from here until the end of time, he still wouldn’t know the meaning of quality.
If Lil Uzi Vert were a stand up comic he’d be Carrot Top, a prop comic with more nose rings than dope lines. He’s that dude that calls his girl a bitch and praises himself as a giant when he’s really just a rookie with no J. Lyricists like him are easily exposed because all you have to do is eliminate three key themes and his empire collapses: money, drugs and women.
“You Was Right” is his philosophy in a nutshell. One careless mistake after another, and a strange burning sensation whenever he goes to the bathroom: [LISTEN]
Listening to Lil Uzi Vert is like watching Little League when the World Series is going on one channel over. He’s 50 Cent throwing out the opening pitch at a Mets Game. Carl Lewis singing the National Anthem. The fifth Beatle that no one gives a crap about. He’s Mariah Carey forgetting the words to her own song, every bad American Idol audition wrapped into one. A Donald Trump handshake.
Lil Uzi Vert’s Luv is Rage is an audio McRib, simply the worst thing you can subject yourself to. It’s 16 slices of Dollar Store baloney made exclusively for those who have forgotten what artistry is. On “Top” he tries to flex on everyone, and it sounds like Urkel trying to win Laura’s heart; futile and altogether embarrassing: [LISTEN]
Lil Uzi Vert is a Great America basketball bouncing on an NBA Court, and the longer he’s around the worse it’ll get. He’ll continue to rhyme in circles and then jump ship when the appropriate time comes, infecting those around him all along the way. A Rhyme nor Reason MVP.
