In college, while discussing music with some new friend-quaintances, one of them dared to blurt out “Weezer sucks.” While I was quick to pounce on this blasphemy and defend indie-emo’s founding older brothers, he was ready for me and replied “think about it – they made two amazing albums, and everything since has been terrible. Their awful output far outweighs the good, so mathematically, they are a terrible band.”
In retrospect, no amount of “The Girl Got Hot“s can erase “Only in Dreams” from existence, but his flawed logic seemed sound enough at the time to win the debate. It’s with that heavy apprehension that we all come into Everything Will Be Alright in the End, a title which hints at righting all the wrongs done by a decade-plus of progressively worsening albums. Or at least, lets us know that while there will never be another Blue Album, we can pay attention again and be rewarded – which is occasionally the case here.
‘Ain’t Got Nobody‘
So far, not great. Cuomo laments having no one to “kiss and hug” him with thrown together rhymes over stadium rock, after some radio-staticky “samples” of “where are they now” segments, along with explicit mentions of “rock [being] dead.” The strange metal guitar solos are pretty sweet, though:
‘Back to the Shack‘
Countless winking references to the band’s critical decline abound, with Cuomo vowing to fix it all by “going back to the shack,” revisiting their formulas from “’94”…and then proceeding to do the exact opposite sonically. Fool me seven times…well, we’ll probably still give your new releases a listen:
‘Eulogy for a Rock Band‘
Likely another self-referential jab (this time in terms of commercial success and cultural relevance), Rivers eulogizes an essential band from a fan’s standpoint with this album’s best riffs yet. It’s good enough for a solid-to-lesser Ozma single, but isn’t yet vintage-Weezer level:
‘Lonely Girl‘
I always thought “Buddy Holly” an overrated blemish on the Blue Album. Luckily, “Lonely Girl” is like “Buddy Holly,” but much better. Cuomo borrows angst from the song’s “lonely” subject for a return to form. Either the album’s hitting a sweet spot or my guard is coming down:
‘I’ve Had it Up to Here‘
Cuomo lashes out against music critic “media” types (cough, adjust necktie) for the criticism he has suffered and expects to suffer further. Well, maybe funky guitar lines like this just sound weird because they aren’t your strong suit – but it sounds like you’re “pander[ing] to the masses” again:
‘The British are Coming‘
If the previous track’s funky guitar parts sound a bit strange coming from Cuomo et al, then waxing poetic about 1776 is bewildering, even if the song is decent. Perhaps there’s a metaphor to be found, or perhaps Rivers just wanted to get Revolutionary:
‘Da Vinci‘
This ode to an enigmatic love interest has an overtly cheesy melody that almost passes for cute, but this isn’t horseshoes or hand grenades. The lyrics are all punchlines, but too many of them rely on disposable, digital-age references of low relevance (e.g. “I looked you up on Ancestry.com”):
‘Go Away‘
When all else fails, go for the old I-vi-IV-V and a Best Coast guest spot. This track’s post-breakup “Nothing Better” vibe doesn’t immerse the listener as well as The Postal Service managed, though, and feels like this slap-dash collab is a grasp at relevance more than a piece of music:
‘Cleopatra‘
In another visit through history, Cuomo declares he’s outgrown the Egyptian sex symbol with only a hint of “No One Else”-ish misogyny here by valuing women’s worth through looks, instead of outright possessiveness. Once again, it’s a sufficient track, but not particularly relatable or hard-hitting:
‘Foolish Father‘
“Forgiv[ing] your foolish father” may be admirable, but it doesn’t make for as good a track as calling him (and your stepdad) out as wife-deserting drunks. That said, this still surpasses any Weezer material from the last 18 years. So while it’s not a classic, this album’s “…alright in the end:”
‘The Futurescope Trilogy‘
The big, album-ending three-track opus achieves Pinkerton’s original space-rock opera intent. Sometimes cheesy, and lyrically ambiguous (or “anonymous”), this track still shows that while the navel-gazing glory of ’94-’96 is gone, Cuomo’s still got some different (but worthwhile) juice in the tank:
