XTC - No Thugs In Our House Lyrics

A musical in three acts by XTC
Cast of characters

Graham, a teenager
Mother, a busy housewife
Father, a conservative husband
Policeman, a young constable
A kitchen in Suburbia
One bright Saturday morning

The insect-headed worker-wife
Will hang her was pies on the line
Her husband burns his paper
Sucks his pipe while studying

Their cushion-floor
His viscous poly-paste breath comes out
Their wall-paper world is shattered by his shout
A boy in blue is busy banging out

A headache on the kitchen door
All the while Graham slept on
Dreaming of a world where
He could do just what he wanted to

No thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little Graham
Promise us he'd be a good boy
No thugs in our house are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little Graham
Promise us he'd be a good boy

The young policeman
Who just can't grow a mustache will open up his book
And spoil their breakfast with reports of Asians
Who have been so badly kicked

Is this your son's wallet I've got here?
He must have dropped it after too much beer
Oh, officer, we can't believe our little angel
Is the one you've picked

And all the while Graham slept on
Dreaming of a world where he could do
Just what he wanted to

No thugs in our house, are there, dear?
We made that clear, we made little Graham
Promise us he'd be a good boy
No thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little Graham
Promise us he'd be a good boy

They never read those pamphlets in his bottom drawer
They never read that tattoo on his arm
They thought that was just a boys club badge he wore
They never thought he'd do folks any harm

The insect-headed worker-wife
Will hang her waspies on the line
She's singing something stale
And simple now this business has fizzled out

Her little tune is such a happy song
Her son is innocent, he can't do wrong
'Cause Dad's a judge and knows exactly
What the job of judging's all about

And all the while Graham slept on
Dreaming of a world where
He could do just what he wanted to

No thugs in our house, are there, dear?
We made that clear, we made little Graham
Promise us he'd be a good boy
No thugs in our house, are there, dear?
We made that clear, we made little Graham
Promise us he'd be a good boy

No thugs in our house
No thugs in our house
No thugs in our house, dear