I'm waitin' for my porno to load,
My brain is gonna freakin' explode,
And now, of course, it's time to hit the road,
Which means I'll be uncomfortable all day!
But that really isn't such a change,
If I'm not feelin' weird or super strange,
My life would be in utter disarray,
'Cos freakin' out is my ok,
Good morning, time to start the day!
Now, should I take a bus or walk instead?
I feel my stomach fillin' up with dread,
When I get nervous my whole face goes red,
Dude, weigh the options calmly and be still.
A junior on the bus is killer weak,
But if I walk, when I arrive I'm gonna straight up reek,
And my boxers will be bunchy and my pits will leak.
Ugh God, I wish I had the skill,
To just be fine and cool and chill!
I don't wanna be a hero,
Just wanna stay in the line.
I'll never be your Rob Deniro,
For me, Joe Pesci is fine.
And so, I follow my own rules,
And I use them as my tools,
To stay alive,
I don't wanna be special, no, no,
I just wanna survive!
(Spoken) So, Jenna Rolan said Madeline told Jake:
I'll only have sex with you if you beat me at pool and then she lost at pool deliberately...
That is so awesome!
I mean slutty!
And then Madeline was all like-
I'm telling the story, Jenna!
Oh my God, he's like, totally getting off on Mad...
Yo, don't touch me, tall ass!
Oh, sorry, I was just trynna get to my-
Jakey D! Yo, what's the story with Madeline?
Oh man, I shouldn't say... but it's a good thing I rock at pool.
(Sung) I navigate the dangerous hall,
Focus on a poster there on the wall,
Avoiding any eye contact at all,
And trying hard to remain unseen.
The poster's closer now, what does it say?
It's a sign up for the after school play...
...it's a sign up sheet for getting called "gay",
And that's not what I need right now end scene,
I hang a left and there's:
(Spoken) Did you say something?
I... uhhh... nuh!
(Sung) Well that was smooth,
Yeah that was super pimp,
My mac daddy game couldn't be more limp!
No time to wallow, no instead,
Just clear your brain and move ahead,
Except that you're one of those guys,
Who'll be a virgin 'till he dies!
I don't wanna be a baller!
Just want some skills to count on.
If my nuts were any smaller,
They would be totally gone!
If I continue at this rate,
The only thing I'll ever date,
Is my MacBook Pro hard drive,
I don't wanna be Clooney, no, no,
I just wanna survive!
(Sung) Jeremy, my buddy,
How's it hanging? Lunch is bangin',
Had my sushi, got my slushy and more!
The roll was megi-maki and I'm feelin' kinda cocky,
'Cos the girl at Sev' Elev' gave me a generous pour!
(Spoken) You're listening to Bob Marley again, aren't you?
I'm listenin' to Marley,
And the groove is soundin' gnarly,
And we're almost at the end of this song!
Yeah, that was the end, now tell me friend:
(Spoken) How was class?
You look like ass, what's wrong?
I wrote Christine a letter telling her how I feel.
I tore it up and flushed it.
It's still progress.
It's all good, hey, I saw on discovery that humanity has stopped evolving!
Evolution's the survival of the fittest, right? But now, because of technology,
you don't have to be strong to survive!
Which means there's never been a better time in history to be a loser! Ha!
So own it! Why try to be cool when you can be-
Signing up for the play!
I was gonna say gettin' stoned in my basement but uh-
No! I mean, look who's signing up for the play!
ALL (EXCEPT CHRISTINE):
I feel my body movin' through the air...
See my converse walkin' over there...
Take a shaky breath and I prepare...
Who cares if people think I'm lame?
Christine signed, I'll do the same!
I grab the pen, I write my name...
ALL (EXCEPT CHRISTINE, JEREMY AND MICHAEL):
Ahh, I like gay people...
(Sung) I'm never gonna be the cool guy,
I'm more the one who's left out.
Of all the characters at school,
I am not the one who the story's about.
Why can't someone just help me out?
And teach me how to thrive...
Help me do more than survive!