Weird Al Yankovic - The Rye And The Kaiser Lyrics

Fat and weak, what a disgrace
Guess the champ got too lazy
Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space
Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain

But he's no bum, he works down the street
He bought the neighborhood deli
Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat
Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say

Try the rye or the kaiser, they're our special tonight
If you want, you can have an appetizer
You might like our salami and the liver's alright
And they'd really go well with the rye or the kaiser

Never eats while on the job
He heard it's good to stay hungry
But he makes a pretty mean shish kebab
Have a taste, they were made fresh today

Try the rye or the kaiser or the wheat or the white
Maybe I can suggest an appetizer
Stay away from the tuna, it smells funny tonight
But you just can't go wrong with the rye or the kaiser

So today, his deli comes first
Still he dreams of his past days of glory
Goes in the back and beats up on the liverwurst
All the while you can still hear him say

It's the rye or the kaiser, it's the thrill of one bite
Let me please be your catering adviser
If you want substitutions, I won't put up a fight
You can have your roast beef on the rye or the kaiser

The rye or the kaiser
The rye or the kaiser
The rye or the kaiser
...