The Tossers - D'ampton Worm Lyrics

Where the hell do you get these names from?
D'Ampton worm?
I like my Guinnesses plural.
...Shit.


John D'Ampton went a-fishing once, a-fishing in the weir,
He caught a fish upon his hook he thought looked mighty queer,
Now what the kind of fish it was John D'Ampton couldn't tell,
But he didn't like the look of it, so he threw it down a well.


Now the worm got fat and growed, and growed an awful size,
With great big teeth and a great big mouth and great big goggle eyes,
And when at night it crawled about all looking for some booze,
It fit fell dry upon the road, it milked a dozen cows.

This fearful worm would often feed on cows and lamb and sheep,
And swallow little babes alive when they lay down to sleep,
So John set out and got the beast and cut it into halves,
And that soon stopped it eating babes and sheep and lambs and calves.

So now you know how all the folks on both sides of the weir,
Lost lots of sheep and lots of sleep and lived in mortal fear,
So drink the health of brave Sir John, who kept the babes from harm,
Saved cows and calves by making halves of that famous D'Ampton Worm!