Hey (we’re still alive). Apocalypse averted. Hopefully we won’t ever have to speak of the Mayans again. To honor the occasion, we’ve rounded up another week in the genius to absurd the way of lyrics and text. There will be Instagram photos, spinning ‘tits’ and Trapper Keeper block letters to illustrate this. Catch you on the tail-end of December:

Earl Sweatshirt – ‘Chum’

A curious arch, watching the Odd Future crew grow up out of their lewd-shock youth schtick. In a lot of ways, Sweatshirt is just as poised for greatness as Frank Ocean, here wiping some fog off the window into his troubled upbringing, in which he tackles the absence of his poet father, gone since he was age six. The thin, sinewy sketches of lyrics flashing like inkblots couldn’t be more perfect:

Get up off the pavement brush the dirt up off my psyche
Psyche, psyche

Austin Mahone – ‘Say You’re Just a Friend feat. Flo Rida’

Alright, the sample-chain here kind of negates all sourness, tracing back to Freddie Scott‘s call-and-response soul jam “(You) Got What I Need” but no amount of “second coming of Justin Bieber” clout or Trapper Keeper block letters can validate this pixie stick of another attempt at Biz Markie crate-digging hip-hop genius. Flo Rida, you can’t rap. And Mahone, you spritely teenager, grow some balls and tell your producers not to ape Jackson 5 hooks:

In Carol City spent most of my nights
Trying to make the world whistle
It’s a hell of a life

Alice In Chains – ‘Hollow’

The post-Layne Staley incarnation of grunge gods Alice In Chains forge on with ringer William DuVall, who both has now seen more years than Staley had with the band – six – and actually channels a bit of those sludgy Cobainisms. Set to founding member Jerry Cantrell’s usual angst-dragged words, AIC 2.0 commissioned fans to bomb them with Instagram photos utilizing the new song’s lyrics from their yet to be named 2013 LP; a welcome “People Are Strange” kind of sentiment circa the 1991 glory flannel days:

Bleeding impressions where you were tied
Can’t really say how you lost your mind

Coheed And Cambria – ‘The Hard Sell

The first taste of the second half of the prog-rockers’ ambitious double-album project, The Afterman: Descension, is an entertaining little Megadeth-snarl of a continuation of their comic book saga the Armory Wars. Though it could just as well be faded emo relic with an odd rainbow lyric flare and a line like so:

Oh there’s never enough cool for everyone
And before you know it you’re selling out to be in

KSIOLajidebt – ‘Sweaty Goals’

Apparently ‘sweaty goals’ is nerd-speak for FIFA gamers who score cheap-shots. And this YouTuber, KSIOL and a bunch of other cryptic letters, has been making a name for himself as a FIFA YouTube authority, montaging great FIFA moments in time on a weekly basis amongst a plethora of teenage viral posturing. Anyhow, dude made a music and lyric video based on this ‘sweaty’ euphemism. And despite the song and turn-of-phrases being crap, the lyric graphic weavings are actually quite clever:

Score a sweaty goal like you wanna end a drought
You gotta get, what, get, what, get your tits out