In one way or another, no matter what he does, Macaulay Culkin seems to always devolve back into Kevin McCallister – the annoying little dipshit who despite being the protagonist you rooted wholeheartedly against. He’s been sucking since the 90s, and is a prime example of what child stardom can do. He’s the one you still love to hate, the butt of all jokes, MJ‘s little buddy who never grew up.
It’s been rough, probably more than any one human deserves – just for making some dumb movie. And just when we all thought we were safe he descended to all new low – a Velvet Underground cover band called Pizza Underground, taking the outfit on world tour, hell bent on reducing the legacy of Lou Reed to pizza-themed, kazoo-laced lyric punchlines like “Walk on the Wild Slice:”
And then this incident in Nottingham, UK happened a few days ago, the Pizza Underground crew not only booed off stage but pelted with beer after a few songs, Macaulay apparently keeping his cool while security removed the culprits, telling the crowd, “Why are you throwing those? I’d rather drink them!”
In reality, though, people, it was over before it started. The beer chuckers, as barbaric as they may have been, are a watershed moment to the fact that Pizza Underground’s music isn’t the art. It’s the booing. It’s the people there, the show itself. Because truthfully what did everyone expect?
It’s an asinine gag that’s similar to but not totally like I’m Still Here. He’s been in creative hell for so long that he figured why not bottom out and dig a way to the other side. It’s closer. This little parody is giving him and his cronies a nice little chuckle, which is fine – trying to beat people to the punchline, how clever. But for godsake man leave Lou Reed out of it. Let him rest in peace. Just like Home Alone 2, he doesn’t know when to quit.
Comedy is timing and Macaulay has none. He’s a bull in a china shop wreaking havoc on those trying to forget him. It’s taking a lot of effort to do all this, there’s no denying that, but maybe it’s time to give it up. Accept the fact that what you were good at at eight wasn’t what you were meant to do for the rest of your life. Comedy belongs to comedians, so stop the charade and leave the Velvet Underground the hell alone.