Athletics and music go hand in hand – the narrative of a well composed song likening itself to an exhilarating fourth quarter comeback. But for as synonymous as the two are there are plenty of cautionary tales of athletes trying to make the jump to music, and what history has shown is that more often than not it’s a terrible idea. And, yes, there are certainly a few exceptions like Yannick Noah, Wayman Tisdale, Bernie Williams to name a few, but for the most part it’s been one hellish ride after another.
Recently, LeBron James released a freestyle over Jay-Z’s ostentatious “FuckWitMeYouKnowIGotIt,” to which we realized that not only is LeBron completely tone deaf, but also totally oblivious to what freestyling actually means. It’s a glaring reminder of how often athletes trick themselves into thinking they’re musicians. So in celebration of LeBron’s epic fail we’ve compiled a few more tragic examples of athletes fumbling over themselves to make what they think is music.
No list like this would be complete without the mention of nine-time Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis. The man was a beast shattering world records like they were made out of porcelain. But as with most athletes of his caliber, the hype got to his head which led him to believe that that natural born talent could carry on over to music. He was wrong, dead wrong. The apex of it being the incredibly awkward, slightly homoerotic “Break it Up” where he looks eerily similar to Grace Jones. And yes he’s wearing makeup, lots of it:
True, other NFL franchises have done similar things – the Seahawks, the Raiders and most notably the Bears – but none have housed as much innuendo as the LA Rams’ “Ram It.” There are an infinite number of things wrong with this rape anthem, but amazingly enough it was cleared by the NFL. These sort of things just don’t happen anymore, and while it was a low point for the Rams it’s a milestone for a guy like Norwood Vann whose career highlights begin and end here:
If you didn’t already know, Metta World Peace (formerly Ron Artest) is a crazy dude. His life’s been tough though. He’s seen things, like a guy getting stabbed in the heart with a table leg, so it hasn’t been easy. But aside from doing things like applying to Circuit City just so he could get the employee discount, few of his ventures have been as – let’s say strange – as his rap career. You can’t fake crazy. And old Ron Ron is nuts:
Look up numskull in the dictionary and next to it you’ll find a picture of Delonte West. His resume includes but is not limited to being arrested on weapons charges, sleeping with LeBron’s mom (allegedly), and being fined for giving wet willies on the court. Between all those antics and averaging a paltry nine-ppg for his career, it was only a matter of time before he tried his hand at rapping. It’s all terrible, but the KFC freestyle is the mother lode of all garbage. It’s confusing enough that he’d be eating at a place like that, but what’s even crazier is how long he waited like it were a five-star restaurant or something:
Sportin’ an outrageous jheri curl is just one of the few crazy things Deion Sanders has done in his life. All those passes he’s gotten only happens when you’re one of the greatest athletes of all time, the only one in fact to appear in both a World Series and Super Bowl, which is truly remarkable if you think about it. The Prime Time brashness seemed tailor made for music, the only problem was that he has no musical talent whatsoever. Is he rapping or singing? Who knows. The reviews were godawful and for good reason, but in a surprising twist it did reach the charts, which probably says more about us than him. Must be the money indeed: