The token response to any garbage, over-played, lowest common denominator pop juggernaut is always “but it’s so catchy!” as if its similarity to Ebola is somehow a selling point. Then we tear it down in a few months, but only half-heartedly – unless the video is misogynist. And even then, rarely.

So, when Charli XCX’s hook turned the shit-sandwich “Fancy” into a radio fixture, the critics circled to take a bite. But XCX also provided the chorus to Icona Pop’s previous, much more enjoyably-infectious “I Love Eet” single from 2012. We get a little of both Charlis – with a hefty dose of hollow punk posturing – on Sucker, which basically sounds like a solid Skins soundtrack.

London Queen” brings the most of the faux punk-ery. The MIDI drums have a semi Ramones groove, but a “fuck you,” some “shits” and a few chanted “oi’s” do not punk make. In fact, XCX’s expat ditty sounds more like the adventures of 1D than any of her supposed muses.

However, this is one of the better unabashed pop albums of the year. As mentioned earlier, British teens experimenting with drugs together fits perfectly with the synthy “Break the Rules:”

BreakTheRules

Maybe teens prefer deep house, or whatever is taking the post-brostep daycare helm, but as far as pop goes, this scratches the teen-party itch pretty effectively. Unfortunately, things take a nosedive quickly.

The chorus of “Breaking Up” reveals the Weezer influence XCX has mentioned, but it sounds like the type of dreck Rivers would release at the nadir of the band’s creative output. We bashed it from Cuomo, but we’ll eat it up because it’s a 22-year-old female instead of an old man singing it. This song is terrible.

After that, on “Gold Coins,” XCX exploits the world’s collective annoyance with the overplaying of Lorde’s “Royals” by returning to the rich-and-famous cliché that Lorde mocked. Bonus points for XCX copping a bit of Lorde’s vocal quirks here, too because why not, right? This song also happens to be terrible, but with the added bonus of not actually being catchy.

Meanwhile, Sucker‘s star single, “Boom Clap,” is another song about the onomatopoeia of 808s. Because we didn’t have enough of those. It’s a Natalia Kills song (“Saturday Night”) sampled and sped up, with nothing of value added.

Some other bright spots include masturbation track “Body of My Own,” which puts an interesting “Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)” spin on “I Touch Myself.” The closer “Need Ur Luv” utilizes boomy, vintage jazz drums and a general oldie soul vibe for spice, and it’s the best track on the album. “Die Tonight” isn’t as good as the aforementioned “Break the Rules,” but it still beats “We Can’t Stop,” so there’s some good stuff here.

For a critically-lauded up-and-comer, there’s not much new here, but that’s not really a fair way to judge pop. Still, let’s drop the offensive, bullshit “punk” angle.