My Fictions - Same Grave Lyrics

I don't know what to blame for why I shy away so much
But I'm taking steps forward towards facing all of my faults
Take my ego hostage; sign the ransom note as the holy ghost and bring my agnostic eyes to the pit of my chest, the sightline of my stomach because i can't digest a single thing about this place
And when I die I won't know anything and it won't mean a fucking thing
It's going to come down soon, I've been running scared I don't feel prepared
Oh my sweet serene, don't I love how you've been watching me?
I take the good with the bad, I guess, at least someone's watching, I validate my existence through self loathing
And when I look at my life, it's a procession through fluorescent lights
A synthetic sun I keep shying myself away from
And when I think of all the people I've wronged I just want to be left alone
But I'm forever stuck here to reflect
You know I hate how I get but this distance is developing
And I can't lie in the same grave for a week at a time in my ever-changing mind
This destiny draws into a black hole and I'm circling the drain as I wait for the end
Now I know why I'm afraid to die, I'm just so sick of crossing lines
and I feel as if I fucking hate myself
As if I can't relate to anyone outside my self
To anything at all, so sick of building walls
Like I scared my self out of it
Because whenever I leave the house I just want to go back inside
and I guess that's why I can't believe the myth that we are always moving forward