You're getting your degree, you're going to college
I'm making music and hoping that kanye puts me on
But If I don't make it baby, will you be mad at me
If I just chilled at home as your stay-home-daddy?
Come on, Ill make you coffee (coffee), and a bagel (bagel)
And another bagel (2 bagels)
Keep on reading that paper, then its off you go
Hun your gonna be late, don't forget your briefcase, drive safe, (peace babe)
Wake up the kids, toast the toast, put the raisin bran up in the bowl
The toast.. did I forget the toast? The toast is toast, damnit I burnt the toast
Start crying, the kid's like Dad what's wrong? Oh its not you kids..
Its just me I'm alone.. Dad's a little bit stressed.. Oh FUCK!
Feeling so sensitive, Im going for a latte, see whats popping at pilates
Hit up my friends like yo what up man, you trying to have a spa date?
The fuck? Your a stay at home dad... that's not gay!
Ay, ay, ay, ay, you go to work, I mow the lawn
Ay, ay, ay, ay, you make the cheese Ill bring the guac (Nacho Sauce, Spanish)
Ay, ay, ay, ay, you buy the clothes, I'll take them off (?)
Ay, ay, ay, ay, I'm a stay at home dad, this is my job
You go girl, get that promotion
Ill be on the sofa, collecting unemployment
Yelling at the tv, watching Maury Povich
Quit gropin' that girl, Maury Povich
Who is this Shelly Jones bitch?
Shit is 4 o'clock, time for Oprah (Oprah)
The gospel of the Lord, for dads who stay at home
Even though we can't get boners
But still Ill trade that for your lane cooking lasagna
Swoopin up the kids from soccer practice (soccer practice)
Then time for gymnastics, rice crispy treats and wax baggies
I'm with my kids in the mini-van, listening to NPR
With the windows down, through the cul de sac
Then its homework time, dinner time, set the placemats
Cut clean, tuck the rugrats in blankets
Then I lay you down, pop two cialis, put on stain and
Then go quench my palette
Is that douche, or does your cooch just smell like flowers?
Your feet are calloused, peppermint towlette
Jasmine pedicure? Scented oil, homeopathic backrub?
I am Aladin, your carpet is magic, your wish has been granted
I would just love to ride your carpet out of the palace
Now keep on bringing the green baby, and Ill keep on tossin' salad
[End - Speaking]
Ladies and gentlemen, we have been, conditioned to believe
We must fit in a role? brainwashed by babylon
Depicting our role must match our genitalia, hell to the no
Its men who go to work, and women raise the children, but I know
The hardest job is maintaining the household
So I am doing a back to back, no tradebacks, with this briefcase
For 2010, I am staying at home