Half Man Half Biscuit - For What Is Chatteris.. Lyrics

One way system – smooth and commendable
Go by bus – they’re highly dependable
The swings in the park for the kids have won awards
The clean streets acknowledged in the Lords
But what’s a park if you can’t see a linnet?
A timetable if your journey’s infinite?
My bag’s packed and I’m leaving in a minute
For what is Chatteris without you in it?

Car crime’s low, the gun crime’s lower
The town hall band CD, it’s a grower
You never hear of folk getting knocked on the bonce
Although there was a drive-by shouting once
But there’s a brass band everywhere
And I don’t drive, so I don’t care
And as a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?

Like a game-bird reserve short on pheasants
Weavers’ cottages devoid of tenants
A market town that lacks quintessence
That’s Chatteris without your presence
Three good butchers, two fine chandlers
An indoor pool and a first class cake shop
Ofsted plaudits, envy of the Fens
Prick barriers at both ends
But what’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
What’s Chatteris if you’re not there?
I may as well be in Ely or St.Ives…