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Person Person Blues
Aren't you tired of those non-sexist languager birds?
To avoid saying "man," they invent their own words.
They say "flagperson," "draftsperson," "salesperson" too,
When "flagger" and "drafter" and "seller" would do.
They say "their" when the singular word's in demand,
As in "Each one in favour will please raise their hand."
Let's invent some new words without trousers or skirts,
Three neutral-sex pronouns like "heesh," "herm" and "hirts."
So "herm" stands for "him and/or her" in my file,
As in "Give herm and inch, heesh'll take a whole mile."
"Will each one please place hirts own hat on the shelf,"
And "Ask herm, because heesh can speak for hermself.
And finally to Dumphries, in Scotland the brave,
To hear Robbie Burns turn around in his grave
When he hears someinclusive young languager chat:
"A perrrrson's a perrrrson for Ahh-hhh-hhh that."