Twin: Hi, is this, uh, Baba Brinkman?
Baba: Yeah, who’s this?
Twin: Baba Brinkman the “rapping evolutionist”
Twin: I’m not sure how to tell you this
It’s a bit awkward, but, um, I’m your identical twin
Baba: No shit?
Twin: Yeah, I tracked you down with a Google search,
I’ve known for about two years, but I thought
No, it’s just too weird
Baba: What?!? No way, what’s your birthday?
Twin: It’s October 22nd 1978
The same as yours, I tracked you through an adoption agent
I’ve been watching you since about 2008
I can’t say why our biological parents would want to separate us
But anyway, I thought we should, you know, get acquainted
Baba: I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to say
I’m shocked, I can’t wait to talk to my mom
And dad and ask them what the hell they were on
Giving up an identical twin for adoption
But I guess they probably had their reasons
Twin: So I guess that means
You’re a pretty easy-going guy, ‘cause I thought you might
You know, be angry, or maybe even cry
Baba: Well, maybe when I see you I might need to dry
An eye but for now I’m just completely surprised
And curious as hell, I mean, what’s the deal?
What do you do, do you have kids, do you take care of yourself?
Are you married? I mean, this is very surreal
Have you ever read about “twin studies”?
It’s, like, the only way we can tell
Which elements of the personalities we develop
Can be called the result of the environmental field
Compared to the part that’s beem genetically built
Twin: Yeah, I’m not so into science, but my job is
That I teach creative writing at a community college
And yeah, I have a little girl, and a beautiful wife
We’ve been married since 2005
Baba: Creative writing?
When you were a kid did your adopted parents
Read to you at night
Twin: No, they weren’t really “book people”, why?
Baba: Oh, it’s just that my dad always likes to take credit
For my success as a rapper, ‘cause he read to me as an infant
But I always wondered whether my language instincts were genetic
And this is evidence
Twin: I really pictured this
Reunion as having a bit more emotional resonance
Baba: Yeah, well, you’re not exactly pouring on the expressiveness
Twin: I know, I’ve never seen the necessity
My wife tells me it’s an “emotional repression” thing
But I’m not unaffectionate, it just seems excessive to me
Baba: Yeah, that could be a description of me
Twin: Okay, if we’re questioning
What about you, wife, girlfriend?
Baba: No, I’m not really a relationship type of person
I mean, it’s not like an aversion, it’s just that I’m always on tour and
It’s tough to imagine how to even try to work it in
Twin: But rapping, you must get some attention from women
Baba: Attention, sure, but I’m not indiscriminate
I mostly tour colleges campuses, you can picture it
In town for one night, most women just aren’t into it
I mean, there’s been an occasional grad student incident
Twin: My wife is a grad student
Baba: Yeah, well, I’m envious
I wish I could have that kind of connection, intimate
My lifestyle could hardly be more itinerant
Twin: You came to my college, in 2006, you rapped
The Canterbury Tales for the medieval English class
Baba: What? Why didn’t you contact me?
Twin: Because I didn’t know
I only tracked you two years ago, remember?
Plus I was on sabbatical, me and my wife, we had this whole…
That time was stressful
Baba: Oh, sorry bro
Twin: Look, it’s not your fault, it’s just that
I turned into this guy, this safe provider type
And I panicked, and I left my wife, and I moved to the other side
Of the planet, to Europe, but it just didn’t fit me
I was just an anonymous writer in a big city
And I wasn’t confident with women so I lasted six weeks
Baba: And your wife took you back, huh?
Twin: Yup, I guess that’s love
And then nine months later along came little Rebecca
Baba: Nine months later?
Twin: Yeah, give or take
It’s funny how our lives have developed in different ways
I mean, I envy your lifestyle – it looks pretty flat-out
I decided to contact you when I saw you on Rachel Maddow
Baba: Yeah, she’s fantastic… so you and your wife
You’ve been happy since your little European crisis?
Twin: Yeah, she’s a good mother, I’m lucky to have her
Baba: And you’re never tempted to, you know, stray from the pasture?
Hook up with one of your students maybe, I don’t know
Do something crazy?
Twin: Yeah, I’m tempted, occasionally
But it’s a two-way street, right? I mean, basically
How can I trust her if she can’t trust me?
Baba: And you trust her?
Twin: Yes, now, but I’ve had some jealous times
I mean, when Rebecca was like two and half
I took her to the clinic and I got a check-up and I
Asked the doctor to give her a paternity test on the side
Baba: Really, why? Does she have like an “ethnic vibe”?
Twin: No, she looks like me, she’s freckled and white
She was just born a bit quickly after that difficult time
And I didn’t wanna be suspicious, but I…
Baba: And the verdict?
Twin: The doctor said she’s definitely mine
One hundred percent DNA test certified
Baba: Oh, that’s great then, I’d love to meet your kid
Twin: And my wife…
Baba: Yeah, I was gonna say that next
Okay, look, I have to go, there’s this thing for the Fringe
I’m writing this play about…
Twin: Yeah, Human Nature, yes
I’ve been tracking you through your Facebook friends
I’ll be interested to hear what you have to say about twins
Baba: Yeah, well, as soon as I can, I’ll come visit you
Twin: Okay, Baba, just call me when you’re ready to
|1||You Can't See Me|
|2||Hypothesis 1 (Creationism)|
|3||No Bugs On Me|
|4||David Buss Message|
|5||Hypothesis 2 (Spiritualism)|
|6||The Planter's Dilemma|
|7||Hypothesis 3 (Social Constructivism)|
|9||Short-Term Mating Dance|
|11||The Evolution of Gayness|
|12||Olivia Judson Message|
|13||Hypothesis 4 (Biological Determinism)|
|15||G O C A S E|
|17||Hypothesis 5 (Evolutionism)|
|18||David Sloan Wilson Message|
|19||Fame In the Brain|
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|Baba Brinkman - The Rap Guide to Human Nature Album Lyrics|
|1.||You Can't See Me|
|2.||Hypothesis 1 (Creationism)|
|3.||No Bugs On Me|
|4.||David Buss Message|
|5.||Hypothesis 2 (Spiritualism)|
|6.||The Planter's Dilemma|
|7.||Hypothesis 3 (Social Constructivism)|
|9.||Short-Term Mating Dance|
|11.||The Evolution of Gayness|
|12.||Olivia Judson Message|
|13.||Hypothesis 4 (Biological Determinism)|
|15.||G O C A S E|
|17.||Hypothesis 5 (Evolutionism)|
|18.||David Sloan Wilson Message|
|19.||Fame In the Brain|
|4||Nuts and Bolts|
|5||Walk Like An Amoeba|